Feminism, Uncategorized

Memorial Vigils for Tampons

This has GOT to be THE funniest thing I have ever blogged about.  Like I said earlier, yesterday was a VERY interesting day on the interwebz.  First I dealt with the foul stench of a rage-filled Neo-Nazi Hell bent on taking over the entire country.  And then I encountered THIS delusional chap…..

Once again, I was discussing the issue of abortion with someone else when this putz jumped in (I’m beginning to notice a pattern of how simply mentioning anything about abortion on social media quickly brings the loonies out of the woodwork).  In this instance, I had tweeted a reply to one of the Women’s Reproductive Rights accounts that I follow on Twitter.  The topic was the issue of this new proposed law in Texas that wants to require hospitals and abortion clinics to bury or cremate the medical waste from abortions and miscarriages…..which they already do and have always done, so that would make such a proposed law redundant and unnecessary.  Anyone who has ever worked in the medical field knows that all biological waste material such as blood, tissue, amputated limbs, removed organs, etc. must be contained in special biohazard containers and incinerated.  You can’t just take biological material such as blood and tissue and “throw it in the trash can” like the anti-choice lunatics seem to think, because that would be a public health hazard.  Even used bandages or syringe needles can’t be thrown in the trash.  Anything that has come into contact with someone’s body fluids MUST be contained and incinerated.  I worked in the healthcare field nearly 20 years ago, so I know all about it.  But anyway, back to the point at hand…..

I jokingly made the comment that perhaps I should begin holding funerals in my bathroom for all of my used tampons and maxi pads every month just in case a fertilized egg failed to implant in my womb and washed out of me with my menstrual cycle.  To explain my reasoning behind that comment, medical research states that somewhere between 50% to 70% of fertilized eggs fail to implant in the uterine wall for unknown reasons and are simply flushed out of the woman’s body with her menstrual cycle.  Fifty to seventy percent is a pretty high number, so the odds are highly likely that 100% of sexually active, fertile women have unknowingly passed at least one fertilized egg out of their bodies at some point in their lives.  We never know when this happens, and we do not know the exact reasons why it happens….it’s just simply how nature works and we have to accept it.  So with those high odds, I’m quite certain that I, too, have unknowingly passed a few fertilized eggs out of my body at some point.  I’m pretty sure that many years ago I had a very early miscarriage when my period was nearly two weeks late.  When it finally arrived, the amount of blood and cramping was way more than usual.  I was actually stuck in bed barely able to move for a day or two when it happened.  I’ll never know for sure whether it was a miscarriage or just a really bad late period, but something about it definitely wasn’t right.  Anyway, now you know the reason why I would make such a statement.

Remarking about holding “tampon funerals” for lost fertilized eggs and blastocytes is something that many pro-choice women joke about in order to hi-light the absurdity of some of these extreme anti-choice ideas and laws being proposed in America.  But low and behold, a MALE Tweeter (of course) had to step in and pontificate his unnecessary and ignorant opinion on abortion and female fertility:  This guy actually replied to me that I SHOULD be holding some type of honorary memorial observance for my used feminine hygiene products every month in order to “show some respect” for the “dead child”, a.k.a. the unknown microscopic fertilized egg, that MIGHT be present somewhere in all that blood found in my tampons and pads.


Yeeeaaaah….just let that sink in for a minute.

My initial reaction when I read his reply was to snort and laugh out loud.  I REEEAAALLY wanted to believe this guy was just being a troll.  But after viewing his entire Twitter account, I had to face the horrid and hilarious realization that this guy wasn’t joking or trolling, he was dead serious!  This guy literally believes that women should hold some type of prayer vigil and bury their used tampons and pads every month if they are sexually active and believe that there might be a lost fertilized egg somehwere in their menstrual blood flow.  He failed to specify, however, whether he thinks we should just put the bloody tampons in an empty shoe box and bury it in the back yard or actually call the funeral home and arrange for a burial in a cemetery.

For your viewing pleasure and amusement, I have taken the liberty of screen capturing the entire absurd conversation I had with this guy.  It’s completely insane.  I just can’t even with this guy…..


I seriously cannot wrap my head around this insane nonsense.  This seriously reads like something from a South Park episode!!  Notice how when I laugh in his face and point out how utterly ABSURD it is to hold a funeral service for a bloody used tampon, he suddenly walks it back and tries to say that he “didn’t say I HAD to hold an observance for possible fertilized eggs in my menstrual blood, just that it would BE REASONABLE”.  Nope, you already came out and said it, Bud, so now you have to own up to it.  You actually said that women should do some type of religious vigil or memorial observance during their periods every single month just because a microscopic, unseen fertilized egg cell MIGHT be in there.  You are seriously out of your Godforsaken mind!!!  You have gone WAY past typical pro-life rhetoric and straight into Looney Toon Town!!!  (I also love how he has to call me a “snarky little bitch” for pointing out the sheer absurdity of his statement.  That’s quite telling.)  And I highly doubt this nutjob is really an Atheist.  The vast majority of Atheists I’ve ever known or met are quite sane and reasonable people who respect science, technology, and medicine as well as respect the privacy and autonomy of other people.  It’s ALWAYS the religious kooks who think and talk like this piss-ant.  No Atheist would ever demand that someone have a religious funeral or memorial service for a fully formed adult human person let alone an invisible fertilized egg cell.  And just so we are clear on this, THIS picture below is of an actual human blastocyte and what Mr. Searborn thinks we women should be grieving over every single month when our periods come:


THIS is one of the many reasons why I have ZERO respect for the Pro-Life Movement, because the lunatics have completely taken over it and are running the show.  At one time 35+ years ago, the Pro-Life side of this issue probably had some genuine and valid points of argument as well as compassion and common sense.  But all of that has since disappeared, and now all that is left is lunatics like Michael Seaborn here who think that women need to be mourning the possible loss of fertilized eggs every month and hate-filled psychos who demand that even pregnant women with fatal health problems that could kill them if an abortion is not performed should just “let go and die for their child”.  This is why those of us who value women’s privacy and autonomy regarding our bodies, health, lives, and family planning decisions need to fight these crazy lunatics with every breath we have, because it would be one Hell of a fucking scary world to live in if people like Mr. Seaborn were allowed to pass laws dictating their personal views onto women.

Of course, nothing in the world could prevent me from immediately sharing this hilarity with my fellow female friends and pro-choice friends.  One of them actually looked him up and tweeted to him that she would gladly box up and mail him all of her used tampons so that he could arrange for a proper burial for them since she is far too busy living her normal life to have time to hold a funeral and burial for her used feminine hygiene products every single month.  Mr. Searborn’s response was to tell her to be sure to include her return address on the box so that he could find her and “punt her fat ass right in her face”.  Gee, an anti-choice lunatic male threatening a woman with physical violence….SHOCKER!!!


On another related point, another anti-choice lunatic—this one a female—also berated me for not expressing any grief or mourning over the possible late period/miscarriage I had many years ago.  I can see why women who have miscarriages much further along into known pregnancies would feel sadness and loss, but apparently I was supposed to be emotionally distraught over a POSSIBLE lost pregnancy that I was never even aware that I had.  Okie-dokie then…..

Ironically, the idea of fertilized eggs being treated as full human beings and having funerals held for them is not a new idea.  Margaret Atwood wrote about this very thing in her dystopian novel “The Handmaid’s Tale” way back in 1985.  What Atwood did was compose a novel that took all of the views and wishes of the Pro-Life Movement all the way to their logical conclusions, and what resulted was a novel that scared the bejeezus out of every woman who read it.  And now 31 years later, we are actually seeing much of what Atwood wrote in her fictional novel come to life before our very eyes.

I would like to write more in this blog entry, but I must go now.  I have to run to the bathroom to change my tampon and hold a prayer vigil over the toilet for it before going outside to bury it somewhere in the yard.  Sympathy cards and flowers are welcome as well as monetary memorial donations. 🙂

(Blogger’s Note:  I REALLY wanted to use a photo of a tampon in a casket or something else to that effect for the header photo, but I could not find one.  How has a cartoon or joke photo of this not been created yet?!?  Get on it, people!!  And then forward it to me so I can use it for this blog entry. 🙂 )

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