Feminism, Stupid People, Uncategorized

Dear Men: Women Don’t Owe You Shit

I really hate to write two bitch rant posts in a row, but something came to a head yesterday that I feel compelled to write about since I know that MANY other women and girls deal with this same issue all the time:  The dreaded and cringe-worthy issue of Male Entitlement….also known as the “Nice Guy”™ Syndrome.

I have many years of writing experience, and I’ve been a big reader fan of Rewire News (formerly known as RH Reality Check) for more than ten years.  It’s a non-profit, Left-leaning news publication website that focuses on high-quality evidence-based news, analysis, commentary, and investigative reporting on issues of sexual and reproductive health, rights, and justice.  Due to my own years of writing experience and my past work with reproductive rights activism, I have sort of been friends with the Editor-In-Chief and a few of the full-time writers for several years now.  A few weeks ago, she approached me on Facebook and asked me if I would like to parlay a comment I had posted into a full length article and submit it for paid publication on the Rewire News website.  I agreed, and we discussed other topics that I would like to write about and submit for publication as well.  Due to the controversial nature of political writing and some of the violently negative reactions it can illicit from readers who don’t agree with the writer’s views, I opted to publish my work under a pseudo-name in order to protect my privacy and my family’s privacy, and the Chief Editor completely understood and agreed.

Since every published writer has a Twitter account that they use to share their written articles and other news media, I decided to sign up for Twitter under my pseudo-name.  So far it’s been going pretty well, and I’m already quickly drawing a good number of followers.  But there was one particular Twitter follower that very quickly became a problem for me.

This particular Twitter user is a fellow male writer who also runs a blog like I do.  I reached out and followed him on Twitter first because I had once read an article he wrote over a year ago that I really liked a lot.  He immediately followed me back and sent me a private message thanking me for the follow.  I took the opportunity to tell him how much I had loved his article, and I sent him some links to similar pieces I had written on the same subject.  But the very first conversation we had through Twitter messaging quickly turned weird when he began sending me selfies of himself, telling me how physically attractive and interesting I was, and hinting that he wanted something more from me.  He also gave me his real name and told me to follow him on his other Twitter account, but I never took up his offer to follow him on his other account because he was already starting to make my red flag antennaes perk up.

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I immediately felt uncomfortable with this total stranger trying to hit on me, but I just politely ignored it and tried to steer the conversation back to the subject of our writing.  We didn’t converse again until a week later.  We were comparing pieces we had written about abusive relationships, and I gave him permission to share one of my written pieces on his own Twitter account.  But during that second conversation, he once again quickly tried to steer the conversation back to wanting to “get to know me better”, and this time he was pretty direct about it.  As you can see below, he asked me to divulge my real name to him despite us being complete strangers who had only recently “met” online, tried to neg me about “using him” for marketing my writing, tried to neg me AGAIN about “having my shield up” despite the fact that he is a total stranger to me, and then topped it off by implying that we should get together simply because we have some common interests and because he’s “not ugly”….although I personally don’t consider him to be much physically attractive based on his photos.  To be honest, he looks a lot like one of those guys who isn’t allowed within 100 yards of an elementary school.

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He pretty much hit every single PUA checklist in just that single screen capture alone.  I’m honestly surprised he didn’t tip his fedora at me and call me “M’lady”.  At this point I’m REALLY cringing in discomfort, and as you can see from the extended screen capture below, he just keeps going and going:

 

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So first he says he’s going to stop asking for my personal information and stop asking me to meet up with him because he doesn’t want to be “that guy” who creeps on women….but then he continues right on being “that guy” by asking me to give him my phone number, reiterating that we MUST become friends just because we share similar interests, repeating himself that he’s “not a creeper” (which is ALWAYS a definite sign that they ARE in fact creepers), and totally ignoring my apprehension and valid reasons for not wanting to become more intimately involved with a total stranger that I have never met and only begun talking to a week before on Twitter.  And what the fuck does he mean by “As flattering as I am to you”?!?  Dude, NOTHING about you is flattering to me.  At this point, I see you as nothing more than increasingly annoying and creepy, and we’ve only had TWO conversations so far.  Not a very good track record for you so far, bud.  He repeatedly insisted that I add him as a friend on my personal Facebook account under my real name and gave me the URL to his personal Facebook account so that I could add him.  In order to end the conversation and get him off my back, I told him that was fine and that I would think about it.

I thought that was the end of this discussion, for awhile at least, but only a few hours later he was back again blowing up my Twitter inbox wanting to know why I hadn’t added him as a Facebook friend yet. (Gee, who does THAT sound like???  Oh yeah…that’s exactly the same thing that “Dandy” did to me and my friend Hollan when he was stalking and pestering us on a daily basis for months!!  Ugh…)

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Seriously?!?  After I had already said that I was leaving my house and would be busy that night, he creeps back in to pester me about not having looked him up on Facebook and added him as a friend yet.  And of course, he’s STILL dismissing my apprehension and concerns over disclosing my real identity and inviting him into my personal Facebook account circle as if my feelings don’t matter at all, especially after I had told him all about my prior frightening experience with strangers adding me as a friend on Facebook.  You can clearly see that he’s only concerned with what HE wants.  BIG red flag right there!!!  As you can probably imagine, I had no intention whatsoever of adding him as a friend on Facebook at this point, because my Creep-O-Meter was off the chart with this one.

Then the very next day after that, here we go again….

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Seriously dude, BACK THE FUCK UP!!!!  I don’t even KNOW you and yet you’re already smothering me with your creepy neediness.  This fool seriously has NO chill game whatsoever.  Hounding someone you don’t know to add you as a Facebook friend is EXACTLY what that creeper Dandy did to my friend Hollan, and Dandy turned out to be an utter psychopath!  So I already know this isn’t going to end well.

Just two days later the creepy fuckboi then sends me THIS pathetic little gem of a message:

fuckboi6

The fuck is THIS shit?!?!?  Why the Hell are you bothering to tell me that you “were with three girls last night and have plenty of options”???  Do you really think I give a fuck?  GTFO with that weak passive-aggressive bullshit, because I can already smell that shit from a mile away!!  If this was your lame attempt to try to neg me into thinking that you’re some highly sought-after Ladies’ Man and that I had better hurry up and throw myself at you before some other lucky lady snags you, then I’m sorry to tell you that it was an epic FAIL of an attempt.  I’m not pursuing you, and I most certainly DON’T want you to pursue me, either.  Why even throw that line out there if all you’re looking for from me is “friendship”?  This is a classic “Nice Guy” maneuver:  Try to portray yourself as a harmless “nice guy” who is only looking for friendship while aggressively pushing for it and hinting that you actually want more than that.  And notice how he AGAIN dismisses my apprehension and concerns by scoffing that I’m being overly sensitive and that “everything unnecessarily weirds me out”.  No, not everything weirds me out….just YOU and other creepy annoying dudes like you.  I don’t have to “show you a little faith” because I DO NOT KNOW YOU and THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN US!!  Get that through your damn head, Creep!!

Although I still wanted to salvage some type of online professional colleague “relationship” with this guy due to the fact that he is a fellow writer and has written articles that I really enjoyed reading, I knew at this point that it was time to set his ass straight.  So I sat down and penned him a very blunt response in the hopes of getting him to realize that he was quickly venturing into creeper territory and that he needed to stay in his own lane:

fuckboi7

Sounds pretty straight forward while not sounding TOO bitchy, right?  Based upon his response to that, I assumed that my words had sunk into his thick skull and that he finally understood that he was crossing some boundaries and needed to back off:

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Great!  Awesome!  Apology accepted.  Now we can get back to being normal new acquaintances and talking about writing again.  Oh wait…..NOPE!  Here he goes again just a few moments later!!

fuckboi9

Oh my God, REALLY???  WHY are you sending me this nonsense??  For the love of all that is holy, just please STOP with all of this whiny “I want to be your friend…please be my friend…there’s nothing wrong with two strangers becoming friends” pussiness.  For God’s sake man, have some goddamn dignity and self-respect already!!  Only utter losers need to beg people to be friends with them….just ask Dandy!! (Haha!)  And yes, although it IS socially acceptable for people to exchange phone numbers after only having met and talked to each other once, they tend to do it only when they feel comfortable doing so and without nonstop pressure to do so.  The minute anyone starts pressuring me to do ANYTHING, I purposely shut down and do the complete opposite just out of spite.  And notice the attempt at forced intimacy with the “I’ll always be here for you” line….WTF is up with THAT?!?  Creepy Dude, I do not know you and I do not want nor need you to “be there for me”.  At this point I want you as far away from me as physically and mentally possible.

At this point, I realized this simp just wasn’t getting it and was never going to.  I decided then that although I would allow him to continue following me on Twitter, I had no intention of having anymore friendly conversations with him ever again.  But thankfully, he gave me an easy way out with his Grand Finale Act only an hour or two later:

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Aaaaaaaaand there it is, folks:  The classic Nice Guy™ Fuckboi “You Didn’t Give Me What I Wanted, So I’m Going To Turn Around And Try To Insult You Like A Butthurt Crybaby Loser” maneuver.  His little butthurt temper tantrum gave me the perfect opportunity to tell him to take his creepy behavior and shove it waaaaaayyy up his butthole.  Then immediately after telling him where to shove it, he quickly became the second person I’ve ever had to block on Twitter so far.

BYE-BYE, FUCKBOI!!!!

And just to be on the safe side in case this creeper ever manages to find out my real name and look me up on Facebook, I went ahead and preemptively blocked him on there as well in order to prevent any possible future surprise friend requests or creepy whiny messages (or dick pics) from him through that venue.

I hadn’t really paid much attention to his Twitter feed when I began following him, but after this fiasco went down I went and took a good look at his Twitter feed to see if there were any indications that he had acted creepy with other women before.  Not surprisingly, it was full of pissy butthurt tweets about various women who had refused his advances or rejected him in any way.  Every other tweet went back and forth between him tweeting about some new girl he had met whom he was “totally enamored with” and then dissing said girl only a few days later when things didn’t go his way.  He’s clearly mentally stable, obviously. /sarcasm

As petty as all this may sound to some people, I wanted to share this experience because this is something that ALL women have to deal with at least once in their lives, either face-to-face in person or online.  We’ve ALL dealt with creepy fuckboys who come on way too strong and refuse to take “NO” for an answer.  And when they don’t get their way, they do a 180 and throw a big hissy fit by calling us “bitches”, “whores”, and “cunts” and whining about how “Nice guys finish last”.  Although this particular choad never lowered himself to calling me vulgar names, his agenda was still the same as every other Nice Guy™ Fuckboi as was his complete disregard for my personal boundaries.  They all have a selfish, misogynistic, abusive core personality hidden beneath a thin “Nice Guy” facade.  And when they are told “No” and don’t get their way with women, their true abusive persona comes bubbling up to the surface.  It’s this rancid, stinking sense of Male Entitlement that makes me want to have nothing at all to do with most men anymore.

To all of the men out there who don’t yet fully understand this, let me explain it to you in the clearest and simplest terms possible:  Women do not owe you shit!!!  Regardless of how attracted you are to us, how horny you feel, how nice or polite we may have been to you at some point, or if you did a favor or courtesy for us at any time in the past, you are NOT entitled to our bodies, attention, time, friendship, or personal information.  At all.  Ever.  If a woman wants to throw some attention your way or share her time, her body, or any of her personal information with you, then she will do it when she freely chooses to, not because you pressured her or forced her to.  You cannot go around expecting sex, relationships, or friendships with women just because you have been “nice” to them or did something courteous for them.  That just isn’t how it works.

This clown is just one example of many fuckboys I have dealt with.  I experience various degrees of this same shit from various fuckboys Every…Single…Day.   I could probably write an entirely separate full-length blog post about the fat, greasy, smelly, middle-aged loser fuckboi who is well known amongst all of the night club venues around here, sells cocaine for a living, dresses like a 20-year-old skater boy despite being nearly 40, and has the hots for ME.  (Oh joy, lucky me!!)  And just like with Mr. “We MUST Become Best Friends Right Now”, Fat Sweaty Greaseball, as I call him, has displayed an aggressive sense of entitlement and a disregard for my personal boundaries ever since he first met me.  Since that first encounter, Fat Sweaty Greaseball has been insisting—not asking or suggesting, but INSISTING—that we exchange phone numbers and go out to dinner together.  Yeah, that will never be happening.  Ever.   I don’t even accept requests for dinner dates with the majority of men who politely ask me, so I sure as Hell am never going to accept a request from some jerk who DEMANDS that I go out with him.

Hopefully Twitter Simp here has learned a valuable lesson in how to approach women from this experience.  Hopefully, but doubtful.  These types of guys rarely if ever see the error of their ways and change for the better.  They retain their stinking sense of entitlement well into old age.  If any of you female readers out there have stories of your own about Entitled Nice Guy™ Fuckboys to tell, feel free to share them in the comment section.

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**Update:  Very soon after posting this blog, several women reached out to me on Twitter to tell me that they, too, had dealt with this guy’s creepy behavior.  Some of them were former co-workers of his and described how he had sexually harassed them at work.  At some point he either quit or was fired from that workplace, and the police were on stand-by for awhile just in case he went off the deep end and went postal.  Several of these women said that although they avoid him like the plague, they still keep a close eye on him from afar because they fear that he will someday snap and do something really crazy.  I’m glad I only had to deal with this looney toon for a few days, and this illustrates the exact reason why I decided to share this experience on my blog:  Because when one woman shares her story about dealing with a creepy guy who doesn’t understand the concept of personal boundaries, other women are guaranteed to come out of the woodwork and share their experiences with the same creepy dude.  There is power in numbers.**
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