Today I decided to take a short trip to the local beach for some lunch and a few minutes of sun. I haven’t been to the beach hardly at all this summer due to me having to constantly work, work, work in order to survive the annual Summer Slow Season that plagues the South Floridian economy. Lately my life has consisted of literally nothing but sleeping and working, day after day, which we all know is NOT good for a person’s sanity. So right now I’m trying to force myself to enjoy a little Me Time at the beach or in my pool in order to help prevent me from losing my mind, even if it’s just for an hour or less a day.
So today I went to the beach for some drinks and one of my favorite dishes served there: peel-and-eat shrimp. I wore my swimsuit and planned to spend an hour or two soaking up some sun. (A normal beach day for me usually consists of about seven hours of beach time, so an hour or two there is really just a pit stop for me.)
The upper parking lot was full, as usual, so I did a lap around it once hoping to find an empty space that I missed or that someone just vacated before giving up and parking down in the lower level, which would then cause me to have to hike up a hill to get to the beach and the restaurant. Low and behold, I caught someone pulling out of a space near the very end of the upper lot and pulled into it.
Now there was a jeep coming towards me in the opposite lane that likely saw that free space, too. But since the empty space was on MY side of the road, I turned right and pulled right into it. I don’t know if I violated some kind of traffic etiquette or not, but the jeep did NOT have its blinker on indicating it wanted to turn in there, and the empty space was on my side of the road. The driver would have had to pass in front of me to pull into the spot. I always look for other drivers’ blinkers to give me an indication of what they are planning to do so that I can respond accordingly. Either way, all I know is that on days when it’s 96 degrees out with 98% Floridian humidity, there are few parking spots available, and I don’t want to walk a long distance in the brutal sun and heat, then it’s every man for himself in those situations. Survival of the fittest!!
Either way, apparently the scumbag kid driving the jeep was PISSED that I pulled into that parking spot. I quickly deduced so by observing him stare at me out of his window and then proceed to sit there for several minutes WAITING for me to exit my car while blocking the flow of traffic building up behind him. I had a feeling he was waiting for me to exit my car so that he could confront me, and I was tempted to be a stubborn bitch and just sit in my car and wait for as long as it took for him to just give up and drive on….sort of like a battle of the wills, you might say. But it was steaming hot inside of my car, I was getting really hungry, and I wanted to eat and enjoy some sun before the 4:00 PM daily rain storm hit. So I gave in and got out of my car to pay the parking meter and go sit down at the tiki bar.
Sure enough, this fucker hollers at me from his window, “You know I was waiting for that spot, right?” Not at all in the mood to deal with some strange idiot with an attitude, I simply went into “I Don’t Give A Fuck” Mode and told him “Well sorry, but it’s first come first serve, and this spot was on MY side of the road. So not my problem.” and walked away.
Well apparently Fuckboy felt it was very necessary to take a proud, brave stand that day over a measly parking space instead of just muttering angry words under his breath and driving off in a huff like most people would do, and he decided he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. So the fucker proceeds to follow me in his car as I’m walking down the lot towards the meter, ranting and raving at me out of his car window the entire time like a big crybaby toddler throwing a tantrum.
At this point, I was becoming amused at his apparent inflated sense of entitlement and the way he was nearly giving himself a heart attack over something as petty as a parking space. “Oh so that makes it OK just because it’s on YOUR side of the road?! So you’re one of those people who thinks the world revolves around you?! Well then PLEASE let me know me when to stay out of your way, since apparently this is YOUR world and the rest of us just live in it.” Still amused by this pathetic display of childish anger and not giving a fuck, I continued walking along to my destination while replying like a smartass, “OK…yep it does…OK then…whatever…k, bye.” Of course, my nonplussed smartass responses only seemed to enrage him further, so he screamed out “You stupid slut!!” right before suddenly discovering another empty parking spot that was even better than the one I took that he was throwing a temper tantrum over and that was right in front of the pavilion entrance. So his foolish crybaby tantrum was all for nothing. But seriously, who the Hell completely loses their shit like that over a fucking PARKING SPOT??? Homeboy needs to calm down already before he gives himself a stroke. Geez…..
Be that as it may, this douchebag majorly crossed the line when he called a strange woman he didn’t even know a “slut” just for parking in a spot he wanted. At that point I thought, “Oh FUCK NO, this piece of shit fuckboy needs to realize who he is dealing with!!” I may or may not have violated a traffic protocol by pulling into that parking spot, and the guy was obviously upset about it. But even if I was completely in the wrong…and I’m not sure if I was or not because I’ve grown a bit foggy when it comes to Traffic Rules…this guy was still WAY out of line by calling me a “slut” over it. I’m a feminist goddamnit, and I just do NOT tolerate gendered insults like that…especially from total strangers who have NO fucking clue about my sex life.
So I marched right over to his car window, got real nice and cozy and up close with him, and told him, “If you DARE to call me a ‘slut’ or any other vulgar name again, I WILL knock your fucking teeth down your throat right here in front of God and everyone on this beach. You don’t even KNOW me, motherfucker!! It’s a fucking PARKING SPACE, for fuck’s sake, so chill the fuck out already.” (As you can probably tell, I say the word “fuck” a lot when I get mad. It just sort of hurtles out during intense moments like that.)
Clearly at that point, he realized he was dealing with a crazy bitch who wasn’t going to back down either and had no fear of beating his entitled ass right there in that parking lot in front of the entire world, so he quickly moved on and stayed FAR out of my way for the remainder of his time there. And by this time, his poor girlfriend who was in the car with him was urging him to just shut the fuck up and let it go already. Boy I sure feel sorry for HER having to be with a raging psycho fuckboy like that!! And of course, his entire tirade was witnessed by multiple people in that parking lot who all looked at me and laughed and asked, “Wow, what is wrong with that guy?! He’s THAT mad over a parking spot?! Get over it, dude!” Me: 1, Fuckboy: 0.
So after that, I went to the outdoor restaurant, enjoyed my shrimp and piña colada, enjoyed some nice conversation with a fellow female patron, and then soaked up an hour of sun before the afternoon rainstorm hit. That was enough to calm the green Hulk in me and return me to my normal chill state.
Back when I lived in the rural Midwest, a lot of people used to accuse me of being “crazy”, “insane”, “psycho”, etc. Of course we all know that this is society’s preferred go-to way of controlling, manipulating, discrediting, shutting down, and silencing women who dare to speak their mind, stand up for themselves, or not follow the status quo. Women are afraid of being labeled as “crazy”, so they keep quiet and tolerate intolerable treatment from people so that they won’t be labeled as “crazy” for speaking out against it. Well I could give less than a shit if anyone calls me “crazy”. Now that I live here in SoFla with millions of people who ARE crazy and are unpredictable and fucked up on all kinds of drugs, I WANT people to think I am crazy. My Number One concern is keeping weird, scary, and unstable people AWAY from me. And one of the surest ways to guarantee that idiots, fucktards, crazies, and other unsavory types of people stay far, far out of my way and leave me the Hell alone is to make them think that I am completely out of my mind nuts…..or at least even more out of my mind than they are. Trust me, it works!!!
Being surrounded by so many wacky people down here has really toughened me up a lot and made me lose ALL patience and tolerance for people like that. I was always a strong woman back in the Midwest who didn’t tolerate shit from people, but that quality about myself has intensified several times over since moving here. I just REFUSE to put up with bullshit in any form from people. When it comes to these weird and crazy Floridians, you simply CANNOT back down to them. You HAVE to show them who is in charge. It’s just like when I occasionally deal with some sleazeball male who thinks he is perfectly entitled to touch or grab at my breasts, ass, or any other part of my body in public just because I’m a female: If you violate my personal space and touch me inappropriately, you WILL get your skull cracked open right then and there. It’s a guarantee. And I don’t fear getting in trouble for it, because there isn’t a judge or jury in this county that would punish me for flattening some unknown piece of shit who dared to think he had ANY right to put his hands on my body. So try me.
Normally I make a good effort to conduct myself with class, poise, and self-respect when I am in the company of other people in public. Since such a large portion of Floridians are dirt balls who have no class at all, carrying myself with class an decorum helps me to stand out in a good way and get ahead of everyone else. But when situations like this arise when someone thinks they can verbally abuse me or cross a major boundary like that with me, then I just LET LOOSE and let that crazy bitch flag fly freely!!! It ALWAYS does the trick and gets the offender to walk away and stay away from me. I have employed this method numerous times, and so far it has never failed me.
So ladies, don’t be afraid of anyone calling you “crazy”. Craziness is your loyal and faithful friend that will protect you by keeping fuckboys, predators, and other unwanted people out of your way. 🙂