Beauty & Fashion, Deep Thoughts and Wisdom

Natural vs. Fake

One of the first things I noticed after moving to SoFla was that EVERYONE here has had plastic surgery. Well….maybe not everyone, but definitely 99% of them have. And what shocks me the most about it is how BAD much of it looks. I come from an area where hardly anyone ever gets plastic surgery, so I had never really seen what the results actually look like until I moved to Florida and was then surrounded by people who had multiple procedures done. Until now, I had always assumed that people looked perfect after being surgically altered, but from what I’ve seen so far I’d say 8 out of every 10 look either awful or very obvious.

Another thing that shocked me was the type of cosmetic procedures that are the most popular here. Breast implants and nose jobs rank at the top of the list, obviously, but I cannot believe how popular butt implants/injections and lip injections are around here! Literally every woman I see has a HUGE ass that has been blown up like a beach ball with hydrogel fillers and lips that look like they were stung by an entire hive of angry bees. Add a nose job, breast implants, and lots of facial collagen fillers/Botox on top of that, and you’ve got yourself a hot mess of a woman who looks like a disfigured burn victim and has more silicon in her body than real human tissue. They say cosmetic surgery is just as addicting as getting tattoos: One you start having surgeries done, you can’t stop.


The cartoonishly giant ass look seems to be a Latin influence, since pretty much every Latina and Brazilian I ever see has butt injections. It’s become popular with black women as well, and even some white American women are doing it, too. Out of all the possible cosmetic procedures one could have, I have to say that the butt injections are the absolute worst of all. I have NEVER seen a butt injected with hydrogel fillers that looks natural. Even if you have just a tiny bit of that stuff injected into your butt, it will still make your ass look lumpy and lopsided. There’s just no way to use that stuff and have a natural shaped ass.

This is a very accurate example of what I see all around me every day in SoFla!!

I’d say the worst example I ever saw was a Latina girl in Miami who had gone waaaaayyyyy overboard with the ass injections. Actually, she looked like she had gone way overboard with getting all kinds of different procedures done to her, because her face actually looked horribly disfigured from a bad nose job and too much collagen filler. But it was her ass that really caught my attention. She had had so many units of hydrogel pumped into her ass that it was LITERALLY the size of two beach balls under her skin, and she was unable to stand up straight while walking. Her hip to waist ratio had to be something like 50:1!! I had to wonder how and where she found pants and clothing to fit her. She was wearing tight jeans that did fit around her enormous fake butt, but I had to wonder if she had to have her jeans altered to fit her body. Where would you be able to find pants of any kind with waistbands that would accommodate such an extreme hip to waist ratio??  To give you a better visual on what her ass looked like, it looked EXACTLY like what you see in the photo above.  And the example of the woman in the photo may seem like an exaggerated exception to you, but I swear to you that is EXACTLY what I see all around me every day.  I am not kidding you!!  How and why something like this ever became popular or viewed as physically attractive is beyond the scope of my imagination.

I’m guessing that butt implants and injections were originally intended for super skinny girls who had no curves at all and wanted a fuller butt. But whether you are stick skinny or normal sized and you want a rounder, fuller derrière, then why not just stop being lazy and DO SOME DAMN SQUATS AND LUNGES???? Really, you will get FAR better looking results if you just put forth some effort and do the work yourself for free instead of taking the lazy route and paying $500 per session to have your ass injected with foreign substances that your body may or may not have a bad reaction to. Your butt will look round, firm, and perfectly proportioned if you do the proper workouts, but there is no way to make your butt look naturally proportioned with those fillers. It will look obviously fake and odd shaped every time.

And speaking of having a bad reaction to hydrogel butt fillers (and any other type of implant as well), here are some examples of women whose bodies rejected the fillers. As you can see from the photos, their asses turned black and rotted and literally fell off from infection….


Yeah, I think I’ll just keep my money and spend it on something safer and more worthwhile than blowing my ass and boobs up like balloons.

Breast implants are super popular here in SoFla. Far more women have them than not. But again, I am not at all impressed with what I’ve seen so far. Horrified would be a much more accurate reaction. Many of our beaches here are topless and a handful of them are nude beaches, so I’ve seen plenty of fake nude breasts in order to make a pretty accurate conclusion. Out of all of the countless pairs of fake breasts I’ve ever seen, I’ve seen maaaaayyybe TWO pairs that looked nice. And those women said they paid $10,000 or more for their surgeries. The rest of them went the cheaper route and looked like they had been absolutely butchered. Horrid scarring, huge nipples and aereolas that had spread out the size of pepperonis, sagging and uneven sizing, etc.

I’ve heard that it’s very common for a lot of young women in SoFla who want breast implants to travel down to one of the Third World countries in Central or South America and have their surgeries done there for a lot cheaper because they can’t afford to pay a good quality doctor to perform their surgeries and are too impatient to wait and save up their money the old-fashioned way.  They would rather be cheap and have shoddy work done on their bodies in a hurry than be patient and wait to have it done properly.  It’s very true that you get what you pay for. Once I even saw a woman whose breasts were FUSED TOGETHER BY A STRIP OF SKIN. For real, there was a strip of skin at the top of her breasts fusing them together like that famous pair of Siamese twins Chang and Eng!!! It was so horrid looking that I couldn’t stop staring at it! And to think that woman actually paid several thousand dollars to have her boobs look like that. SMH…. I just don’t understand why any woman would want to do that to herself and ruin her body like that.

Now you would think that in a region where every woman has breast implants that everyone here would be on my case to get them, too. But surprisingly, they’re not. Not a single person here in Florida has ever tried to talk me into having plastic surgery. In fact, every time I turn around, random people are constantly urging me NOT to do it. On a near daily basis…usually when I’m at the beach or wearing something that shows cleavage…I have random people approach me and tell me how perfectly shaped they think my breasts are and how they hope I will never surgically alter them.

At first it was obviously quite weird and uncomfortable for me to have random strangers approaching me to compliment my breasts, and it pissed me off at first because I viewed it as rude and disrespectful. It made me wonder if anyone in this entire state had any damn manners or couth at all. (They don’t.)  But now I’m pretty much used to it because it occurs all the time. I just smile and nod and say something like “Thanks, yeah I plan to leave them just the way they are” and try to change the subject to something less creepy. I suppose I can see why they feel the need to comment on it. When all you ever see are women with gigantic fake breasts, it’s probably a welcome sight to see a woman who is her own natural self.

But it’s not just the horrid results I’ve seen that have convinced me to never get breast implants. I simply do not need or want them. To this day, I still crack up laughing when I think back on the one or two girls back in college who used to try to tear me down by telling me I was flat chested and that no man would ever find me attractive because I didn’t have “amazing DD sized melons” like they did. But I am 5′ 2″ tall and I weigh only 110 lbs…..a woman of my petite size isn’t SUPPOSED to have gigantic breasts. The only reason those girls had size DD breasts (and I’m pretty sure they were exaggerating their true cup size) was because their entire bodies were big and chunky. It’s a fact that the more fat you have on your body, the bigger your breasts are and visa versa. Not only would I look cartoonishly disproportional if I had DD breasts, but I would also probably topple over flat onto my face from the sheer weight of all that tissue in front of me!

My breasts range from a 34B to a 36B. And when my hormones are going crazy, they sometimes swell all the way up to a 34C. That is PLENTY big enough for me. I’ve seen more than enough DD cup bras in the Victoaria’s Secret stores before and gawked at how the empty cups literally fit completely over my head like a hat….I definitely don’t need to have breasts that are bigger than my entire head!!  It’s uncomfortable enough for me during the times when my breasts temporarily swell up to a C cup. I feel very heavy and achy, and it’s a relief when they go back down to their normal size after my hormones have stabilized. My body is perfectly proportional the way it is, so why fix something that isn’t broken?  Trust me, plenty of men have seen my breasts, and I have never heard a single complaint about the size and shape of my breasts from any of them. So I think I’ll take their word over the words of a small handful of jealous, insecure bitches.

But of course, whenever I did respond back to the one or two haters that my 34B breasts were perfectly fine the way they are, the only comeback they could think of was “Your tits are NOT a 34B, you liar!! Your tits are -AAA and you know it!!!” Ummmm…..okie-dokie then. Have you ever gone through my underwear drawer and actually checked the size tags on my bras yourself?? No? Well then take a seat and shut the fuck up. Throwing a huge fit and insisting you are an expert on someone else’s freaking underwear size is downright CREEPY.

Seriously, who the Hell gets into screaming fights over whose frigging tits are bigger than yours anyway??  And when you’re a grown adult in your 20’s?!?!?? Come on, that’s just pathetic. If you’re an adult in your mid to late 20’s still arguing with other women over whose boobs are bigger, then you need to either GROW UP or go back to the Seventh Grade. Because really, the last time anyone ever tried to insult me about my chest size was all the way back when I was in the Seventh Grade, and that’s usually the age when most girls grow out of that sort of immaturity. But apparently not everyone ages out of that sort of childishness. And as with a lot of other things, the chicks who go around gloating to everyone “My boobs are bigger and better than yours!” are the ones who are suffering from EXTREME insecurity. They’re usually the same insecure women who run around screaming to everyone “I have a boyfriend/husband/child and you don’t!!!” Women who are truly happy and secure with themselves just do not talk and act like that at all. Go right ahead and knock yourself out patting yourself on the back for having big tits. Nobody gives a shit, and in a few years they’ll be heavily hanging down to your knees while mine are still perky, and THEN who’s going to have the “better looking” rack? 😉

Another thing I’ve noticed that the majority of SoFla women can’t seem to get right is hair extensions. Just as with the big butts, super long hair is a Latin cultural influence and is very popular in SoFla.  Literally every woman here has super long hair down below their waists….I’ve even seen a handful who had hair all the way down to their knees!!  And just like with the plastic surgeries, the women who don’t actually have long hair spend hundreds of dollars on hair extensions that go all the way down below their waists.  I cannot tell you how many women around here I have seen who have super short chin-length hair and try to blend 36″ super long hair extensions that go all the way down past their butts in with their short hair.  You can see the difference EVERY TIME. I’m not a licensed hairdresser, and even I know that there is no possible way to blend hair extensions that long into hair that is chin-length or shorter.  Yet countless women around here seem to think they can pull it off.  And the result every time is an ugly, conspicuous-looking chunk of short hair sticking out on top of a long, straight, layerless batch of clip-in hair extensions.  It…looks….AWFUL.  Again, why not just be patient and grow your hair out naturally like I’m currently doing?  Lots of heat and vitamins can make your hair grow super fast.  Or if you really want hair extensions, why not go with some that aren’t super-duper long and can more easily be blended in with your own short hair?  But that seems to be the way SoFla women do things when it comes to hair, makeup, and plastic surgeries:  Go to the most extreme lengths and don’t give a shit if it looks bad.


Again, it may seem as if I purposely picked out the most exaggerated example to use, but I chose this photo as an example because it most accurately depicts what I commonly see every day when it comes to hair extensions.  I have seen so many women walking around with hair that looks exactly like what you see in the picture, and I have to wonder how they are able to let themselves be seen in public looking like that!

So yeah, I’ve decided that I’m going to do myself a favor and just stay completely natural. Why spend thousands of dollars on surgeries that will make me look disfigured just to fit in with the crowd? That money would be far better spent on more decorative items and furniture for my home, cute clothes and sexy swimsuits, high-quality makeup products, jewelry, etc. The only way I would ever agree to have cosmetic surgery is if something drastic were to happen to my body someday and I needed it repaired. That’s it. Other than that, I am quite content to be one of the 0.00001% of the SoFla female population who is 100% au naturel.


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